I invited my ex to Thanksgiving in the hope that we could talk, maybe find some peace after our breakup. He told me he had other plans. So when the door opened and he entered, unexpectedly, my heart stopped. Something was not right. And it was just the beginning.
The smell of cinnamon and roasted vegetables enveloped me like a soft blanket.
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I was next to mom on the kitchen counter, peeling potatoes while she chopped green beans.
The windows were gently fogged up by the constant heat of the oven, and on the radio old country songs sounded, soft and familiar, like a childhood song.
But I couldn’t concentrate on anything. My hands were moving, but my mind was very far away.
I kept thinking about Colin.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“You haven’t talked to him yet?” Mom asked, sliding the green beans into a large mixing bowl.
I shook my head without looking up.
He wiped his hands on the apron and looked at me.
I stared at the potatoes.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“I don’t know, mom. One day we were laughing and cooking dinner together, and the next… he was silent. Distant. As if a door closed and I didn’t even hear the latch.”
Mom stirred the sauce with slow and even circles. His voice softened.
“Sometimes that happens when people really care. Things seem heavier. Noisier. More confusing.”
I blinked hard, trying to prevent the tears from falling into the bowl of potatoes.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
He gave me a knowing look.
“I think silence is the worst mess. You don’t want to spend Thanksgiving wondering what could have been said. Invite him. If it’s really over, let it be with words, not with empty chairs.”
I bit my lip. My hands were shaking a little, but I nodded. Then I wiped my hands on a towel and grabbed the phone.
I stared at the screen for a second and then pressed “Call”.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Colin answered after two calls. “Hello,” he said softly.
“Hello,” I said, with a dry voice. “I was wondering if you would like to come to Thanksgiving dinner. Just… talk, maybe?”
“I’ve already made plans,” he said.
“Ah,” I replied, trying to keep my voice firm. “Okay, I understand.”
I hung up and stood still for a long time.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Then I peeled potatoes again, hoping they wouldn’t notice I was crying.
At dusk, the house was filled with heat. The smell of turkey, sweet potatoes and freshly baked rolls filled all the rooms.
Laughter floated in the living room, where Dad was, as always, telling his favorite story about the time he tried to roast a whole turkey and almost set fire to the patio.
Eli, my little brother, walked near the table.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“Can we eat now?” he asked for the fifth time.
Mom tapped him with a kitchen towel. “We’re waiting for your sister.”
“He’s always late,” Eli moaned, letting himself fall on the chair.
“Patience,” Mom said, smoothing the corners of the tablecloth.
This year he had tried his best: his best tableware, the cloth napkins folded into perfect fans, the candles flickering just enough to make everything cozy.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Then the front door opened.
I looked up, hoping to see Rachel with her usual noisy greeting and her hair in the wind.
And there it was. But I wasn’t alone.
Colin entered right behind her.
For a second, my brain couldn’t process it. My chest was oppressed. My hand froze in the glass of water.
“You said you weren’t coming,” I said, half getting up from the chair.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
He gave me a small and calm smile.
Rachel entered as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb all over the table. “Surprise?” he said laughing a little, taking a seat.
Colin sat next to him as if he belonged to him.
The air changed. The noise disappeared from the room.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Dad tried to take it down: “Well, I guess we’ll call this ‘Filler Scandal,” but even his voice sounded nervous.
I couldn’t hear beyond the blood running through my ears. I saw them share a bun as if nothing had happened. Whispering. Smiling.
“Really, Rachel?” I said abruptly, with a louder voice than I intended. All the forks were frozen in the air.
“My boyfriend was just another thing you needed to take away from me?”
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
His smile faded. “Anna, it’s not like that.”
“No? First my favorite doll, then my graduation dress. And now this?” I pointed to Colin.
“You’re my sister. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
My eyes were burning. I got up quickly, with a choppy voice. “You know what? I can’t do this.”
I took my coat and went out into the cold, leaving the heat behind.
The cold hit me quickly as soon as I left. The warm smells of turkey and sweet rolls vanished behind me, replaced by the humid air and the soft whistle of the rain.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
The sky had opened enough for everything to be gray and heavy.
A fine drizzle soaked my shoulders and hair, freezing me up to my coat.
I walked quickly to my car, my heart beating as if I wanted to get out of my chest. My hands were shaking so much that I could barely grab the bag.
I groped for the keys and they fell off. They hit the damp pavement with a soft jingle.
I bent down to pick them up, with numb fingers.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
I turned around, with the water falling down my chin.
Colin was jogging towards me, with wet hair and his shirt stuck to his chest.
His eyes were wide open and his mouth was ajar, as if he had been chasing me since I went out the door.
“What?” I said, clinging to the keys.
He stopped a few meters away and raised his hands. “It’s not what you think.”
“Isn’t that what I think?” I said, raising my voice.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“You showed up at Thanksgiving dinner with my sister, Colin. With my sister.”
“I didn’t plan it would be like this,” he said, catching his breath. “I didn’t know what else to do. I thought… that if you saw me with someone else, you would realize…”.
“Realize what?” I interrupted. “What do I still care about? What would make me jealous? That would magically fix what had broken between us?”
He lowered his shoulders.
“I know. It was a stupid idea. I panicked. You didn’t call and I didn’t know how to reach you anymore.”
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“You could have talked to me,” I said. The rain ran down my face like tears. “Instead, you turned it into a stupid game.”
“I miss you, Anna,” he said softly.
“And when Rachel offered to help me, I didn’t think about it. I just wanted you to see me again.”
I stood there, soaked and furious, looking at the boy I loved… and the mess we had both made.
“Did you really think this would do us good?”
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“No,” he whispered. “But I was hoping that maybe… I would make you look at me one more time.”
We sat in the car, the rain kept hitting the roof slightly.
The heating buzzed softly, filling the space with hot air that fogged the windows.
Outside everything was blurry: the street lights shone like stars after a thin layer of fog. Inside, however, there was silence. Calm.
My hands had stopped shaking. I put them on my lap until Colin approached and took one, with a slow and careful touch, as if he wasn’t sure if he would allow it.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“I tidy it up,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “But it was for missing you. Of not knowing how to fix what had broken between us.”
I looked at him. He still had wet hair and slightly red eyes. For the first time in a long time, he seemed insecure. Human. Hurt.
“I was wrong too,” I said.
“I should have called. I waited and waited, hoping that it was you who would come closer. I let the silence grow as if it didn’t bother me. But it hurt me.”
He nodded slowly, with his fingers still tangled in mine.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“I love you,” he said. “Even when I’m a fool.”
That made me laugh, just a little.
He smiled, only the slightest curve of his lips, but it looked like a ray of sunshine.
“But I love you too,” I told him.
We don’t rush. We sat, with our hands together, listening to the rain and the soft buzzing of the heating.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For once, the silence that reigned between us was not heavy to me. It seemed like peace.
After a long minute, I whispered, “I should apologize to Rachel.”
Colin nodded. “She just wanted to help.”
“She’s my sister. There have always been problems between us, but that was not fair. Not in front of everyone.”
“He’ll understand,” he said.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
I rested my head on the seat. The car seemed warm to me. Sure. As if we had just overcome the worst part.
The storm outside had softened, and it had also done everything inside me.
We went back into the house, holding hands. My cheeks were still a little wet from the rain and my heart was beating hard, but firmly.
The warmth of the house enveloped us again: turkey, cinnamon, candles and all that.
The room fell silent as soon as the door closed behind us.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Everyone looked up from their plates. Mom stopped at the kitchen door, with a spoon in one hand.
Eli had a bun halfway to his mouth. Rachel was near the table, her eyes a little open, as if she wasn’t sure what I would do next.
I let go of Colin’s hand and stepped forward.
“I’m sorry,” I said, in a soft but clear voice. “I Exaggerated. It wasn’t fair to you, Rachel.”
He blinked and nodded. “It’s okay,” he said slowly. “It shouldn’t have been a surprise. I just wanted to help.”
We hug each other. It wasn’t long or perfect. A little stiff, a little insecure, but real. And that was enough for now.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Dad clapped. “Now that we’ve cleared things up, can we eat before Eli starts chewing the table?”
Eli complained. “I was holding back.”
Laughter bubbled around the table, light and easy.
Colin and I sat down again, this time next to each other. He put his hand under the table and gently took mine again.
Mom looked me in the eyes, winked at me and cut the cake again.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
And at that moment I felt peace.
Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we hurt ourselves unintentionally. But when we talk, when we really talk, we give ourselves the opportunity to heal.
Silence may seem safer, but it is what builds the walls.
We keep talking, even if it’s difficult.
We keep going back to the table.
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